THE UNANSWERED QUESTION

My FIRST HOMILY AS AN ORDAINED PRIEST

Delivered during my FIRST MASS for the DEAD...for Mama WILMA

Jgs 6:11-24/ Ps 85/ Mt 19:23-30

“My Lord, if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us?”

Such was the question of Gideon, and such was also my own question when two years ago Mama died unexpectedly. “My Lord, if the LORD is with us, why has all this happened to us? Why did you take away someone so dear to us? Why did you allow such tragedy to happen in our small family?” And I have to admit in front of you that such question until now remains unanswered. Maayo pa ang questions sa thesis kaya ra matubag in three years. “Why has all this happened to us?” The silence of God cannot but make me cry, not just once, but a lot of times. And maybe that is precisely what I needed: to cry.

In God’s wonderful design, he ordered that the human eyes should have tears with the purpose of cleansing, disinfecting, and lubricating our eyes. In short, tears, after they have been shed, help us see better. The Blessed Oscar Romero once said that “there are many things that can only be seen through the eyes that have cried.” My tears have allowed me to see things differently and hopefully more clearly.

Just a few weeks ago, I came back to the hospital where my mother spent her last hours on earth. I went to the chapel where I bargained with God. I went to the room where I last talked to her through the phone. I went to the ICU cubicle where I saw her breath her last. When I went back to my room, I cannot but cry. I remember the pain and suffering that all of us went through. However, after crying, I saw God’s love continuously working in my life despite the pain and suffering. How? I remembered those people who visited my Mama. I remembered those priests who anointed her. I remembered you who in one way or the other have consoled us. I may have lost my Mama, but after crying, I experienced more God’s love for me and in me. And so, thank you, my dear friends, for being with us, for making God’s love more real . . . more felt, extra special.

Since her death until now, I only had one dream with my Mama. We were sitting at the rear part of a Cebu Pacific plane; then suddenly just a few minutes before take-off, she led me away from my seat and we left the plane. Instead, we took a Philippine Airlines plane. Then, we were informed that a Cebu Pacific plane crashed after take-off. Because of this dream, I now get goose bumps every time I take a Cebu Pacific plane, especially when I am seated at the rear part of it. However, more than the goose bumps, such dream made me cry. Why? Because I simply miss my Mama. Yet after the crying, I realized that she may be gone, but I would like to believe that she is still with me, even nearer now that she is with God. She was an angel in my dream. She saved me. Indeed, the words in the Preface for Christian Death is true: “for your faithful people, life is changed, not ended.” She is no longer with us physically, yet her death did not end her life but only changed it into another form. And why is this so? Because according to Jesus in our Gospel today, “With God nothing is impossible.” God who is “nearer to us that we are to ourselves” also makes those who are already with him near to us, always accessible to us. And as Mother Teresa once assured her sisters who did not want her to die, “Mother can do more when she is in heaven.” And God who is love binds us more tightly with our loved ones who are now united with him.

After Gideon asked many questions, our Lord said to him only one thing: “I will be with you.” “I will be with you.” During the wake of Mama, one neighbor of ours told me that during their last conversation, she asked my mother where I am currently assigned. My Mama told her that I am still in UST for my masteral studies. Then she added these words, “Basta kon asa siya ma-assign, mokuyog gyud ko niya. I will be with him wherever he will be assigned.” And so, I celebrate my first Mass not just to thank my Mama for the wonderful journey. I celebrate this first Mass to tell her that I am now here in front of you and I am now asking for your promise to be with me wherever I will be assigned. Ma, dia nako, let us begin our journey together. Amen!